Start with baby steps
by wotcher98
Summary: "You know that I would rather expose myself to you than to Molly Weasley, don't you? I am so so so very sorry, I really am Dora. I couldn't say in words but for me, you-you are perfect, it's-it's like I am so much… um... Smitten with you. I couldn't find a flaw in you if I wanted to." Remus and Tonks's first full moon together.


_I do not own Harry Potter_

* * *

_Tick, tick, tick_

The tick of the clock, she had been staring at, sounded every second; yet after 20 minutes it seemed to her than only one minute had passed.

_And it's only twelve am_, she thought. It was going to a long night, best to make herself comfortable.

It was her first full moon with Remus, and his first full moon ever since they married a week ago. He had left the premises a few hours before the moon rise, saying that _'better be safe than sorry'_. He had said he would be transforming in some far away secluded forest, which rarely saw humans.

He had said a subdued goodbye to her; had hugged her and pulled away reluctantly and had told her to sleep soundly and not to worry. She had seen it in his eyes that he had not wanted to go, but moon had called him.

She was worried to say the least. How couldn't she? He didn't have his potion, he couldn't afford it. And neither could she for that matter. Ever since the war started and ministry went in sort of crisis, salaries of ministry workers were cut down including that of Aurors. Even though she still got enough pay, they still had to cut down some unnecessary expenses down. Though wolfsbane was far from _'unnecessary expense'_. It kept her husband sane and kept him safe. She shuddered to think what state he would be in, in the morning. Yet, she had offered him to buy wolfsbane for this month, she had thought that she would scrounge in her savings if need be, after all she saved for urgent times, and what could be more urgent than this?

But he had declined politely, knowing full well state of her salary and finances. He had said it was not one time thing, even if she managed to get him this time, it would be impossible to get every month. Still, she had not listened and had instead secretly gone to the best apothecary for his potion, where her eyes had boggled out after hearing the price.

It was ridiculously expensive. Had she bought it from her salary, she would have been left behind with a _generous_ amount of ten bloody galleons.

She had snorted in disgust at the sick twisted joke of a potion. Why the hell the potion for werewolves was so expensive that a werewolf couldn't even _think_ to afford when in the first place Ministry didn't even give them right to employment.

When she had realized that there were no short term solutions, she had felt extremely disheartened and had vowed that she would do something, _anything_ to decrease his plight.

_Tick, tick, tick_

She curled her legs beneath her on her sofa and fiddled with her wedding ring or engagement ring or whatever it was supposed to be, seeing as they were married three hours after he proposed. It was all very fast but she didn't regret a moment of it. She never was a fan of big weddings; she felt that exuberant weddings became a platform to show off and flaunting instead of being a celebration and merriment of the married couple. So she had always imagined a small wedding, with only dearest of friends and family. But since, they got married in such a hurry, at a tavern in Scotland, there were no friends present. Though she had later found herself thinking that James, Lily, Sirius, his father and even Harry should have been present there. They would have been so happy to see their friend finally settling down, when at a time there had seemed to be no hope for him. But still, whatever had been the circumstances outside home, they were happy.

She looked around her- no, _their_ flat. Sometimes, the way perception changes with time amazed her. She had practically be living alone ever since she started her Auror training and had spent so many nights lying awake either studying or completing her reports but never once she felt that feeling of being desperately lonely. But now, only after a week of sleeping and waking beside Remus, spending nights with him, sharing a home with him, she felt almost hollow in his absence.

She decided to make use of her time, seeing as she won't be able to get any sleep, she instead started preparing for his arrival. Since it was their first moon together, she didn't know what to expect. She had seen him on the next day to full moon but never immediately after moonset. So she gathered her bearings and made a mental list.

Firstly she went to prepare the first aid box, which she decided she would instead call _moon aid box_. She searched for all the essentials including dittany, bruise remover, other potions and ointment and arranged it all in an empty plastic box and admired her handiwork.

She never in a million would have thought that such little _wifely_ kind of things will give _her_ pleasure. Well, she supposed this was what Molly had called _newly married bliss_, where every little thing made you happy and content. She had always feared that how would she ever be able to be a good wife, whenever she got married, as she was always told how _'marriage was an institution blah blah blah where both people support each other blah blah blah'_. She always had been independent and a bit of dominating nature, she had often worried how her husband will ever be able to tolerate her?

But then Remus came along and he was so sweet and caring, he balanced her out. Instead of getting mad or annoyed at her irritating habits, he would just laugh or make a joke of it, it never bothered him. He never tried to change her according to his own will, instead he was very accommodating and adjusted himself with her. And therefore she too tried to be in fine-tuning with him.

She smiled at the various memories of them together, that came to her mind flashing. On outside they both seemed so different but inside they were very much alike, though it won't be visible to a common person. They were very compatible and while they were together, home would be filled with their laughter; he _definitely_ smiled more in her company, even she had noticed.

But they were not all jokes and laugh, he was also very romantic if need be. He would tease her, reminding her that he was a marauder after all and then he would say something so very tender and enchanting that she would simply melt.

She couldn't have been happier in her life. She smiled so recurrently now. But sometimes she feared her own happiness because no matter how happy they were together, she often saw Remus retreating back to thinking he was unsuitable for her. He never said anything, but she knew it was there. Though she thought since it was _so firmly _set in his mind, it will ebb away slowly; all she needed to do was to show how much she loved him, how perfect he was for her and how she wouldn't want anyone but _him_ as her husband.

_Husband._

It made her giddy with happiness to use the term in reference to Remus. It was such a new feeling. Two weeks ago, she was wilting in depression and had given up all hope of ever finding love with him. But then things took such a turn...

She then proceeded to make bed, clearing her sofa (muggle way), enlarging it a bit and making it comfortable, so that he could lounge wherever he wished to and had not to worry about loitering clothes and stuff.

She also decided to prepare some food for him, she knew she was being ridiculously early in preparation of it, but since she cooked slow, almost at a turtle's pace and also made mess of things in the process, she decided to prepare everything before hand, so that it would be ready by the time he came so that he can have it anytime he wished. Contrary to the popular belief that clumsy Tonks can't cook, she could. She was ace in potions and if she was handed with step by step recipe she would do just fine, though granted that she was bound to make a mess of kitchen.

After she was finished, she placed the food under warming and preservation spell and looked around and as expected, kitchen was a mess. She tried not to grumble in annoyance. Flour was flying everywhere, more dishes were dirty than required, egg yolk was running down the counter, etc. She continued and cleaned the mess muggle way, seeing her household spells were wobbly. If she ever told her mother she had been cleaning and cooking _manually_ at _two in the morning_, she would think that she was a death eater in disguise.

She finally sat at her newly cleaned sofa, her time had passed and she no longer had that nervous energy and she was even a bit exhausted. But work had diverted her a bit from her worry.

Slowly time ticked away and it was almost time for moonset. _He would be here soon_, she thought. She felt that kind of nervousness which one feels while sitting in an examination just before question papers were handed. It was anticipating kind of anxiousness wondering what kind of questions would be there, if she will be able to answer them or not...

Time passed and passed and she realized that Remus was late. She tried not to panic, tried to tell herself that it would take some time for him to relax and apparate, seeing as if he wasn't fully aware he would splinch. She decided to wait; it wasn't as if she had any other option.

Slowly time ticked away and she realized that he was awfully late. Surely it wouldn't take that much time. Merlin, was he incapacitated? What if he was really badly hurt? There wasn't any other explanation, why else would he not be here in time? It wasn't as if he had some errands to run. She cursed herself for not asking the exact location of where he would be transforming, she had just assumed that nothing will go awry.

What should she do?

Patronus? No what if he was...

Death eaters? _No, no, no!_ She didn't even completed the sentence in her head. What if he was hiding and her patronus gave away? She felt tears prickling in her eyes due to the feeling of helplessness.

_Pick yourself up! You are an Auror for Merlin's sake!_ She admonished herself. She took her wand and decided to search in nearby area, locking her flat behind. What if he had reached the apparition point and was unable to walk further due to exhaustion or injury and had fainted there or something was hindering him?

So she took off and searched everywhere in one kilometer diameter, in every way, she walked relentlessly and with every failed attempt she felt bile rising in her throat as tears slipped her eyes. When she finally decided that he wasn't anywhere near, she decided to contact Mad-eye.

She apparated back to her flat to floo him. She realized with jolt that it was nine in the morning. She had thrown the floo powder in fireplace and was about to call out Mad-eye when a tap on her window startled her.

It was Pig, Ron's owl. Molly often used Pig, when their family owl Errol was debilitated. Heart thudding in her chest, she let the owl in, and took the letter from its beak with shaking hands. Pig didn't fly away, meaning Molly expected an answer.

Wondering if Molly knew about Remus' whereabouts or if something bad has happened to him, she finally unfolded it.

_Dear Tonks,_

_Hope you slept fine last night._

She snorted.

_Though I know since it was full moon, it would have hardly been the case. _

_I know you would already be aware about it, I still decided to inform you anyway so that you wouldn't worry. Remus came here after moonset; you see at Grimmauld place I often looked after his full moon injuries, though now I think about it, it was more like I coerced him into treatment. _

_Anyway, he's fine dear. I thought he might have come here because you would have had early morning shift at Ministry, I understand how much they are stressing you. I gave him a mild sleeping draught and he would be awake in few hours. _

_You take care of yourself._

_Molly_

Though after reading the letter, she ought to have been relived that Remus was fine, but the feeling didn't came.

She tore the letter in tiny pieces and threw it in the air. When Pig hooted indignantly she almost felt like throttling the tiny owl. Somehow she willed herself and wrote a small note to send back.

_Molly,_

_Thank you._

_Tonks_

After the owl flew away, she shut the window with more force than necessary. Here she had been panicking and _dying_ in worry for him, and there he was at the Burrow instead being at his _own_ home.

Molly was under the impression that she knew about his plan to go there. Why would she? He never bothered to tell her in the first place, she thought bitterly, kicking frustratedly in air and ended up tripping on the floor on her bum.

She gave a cry of frustration. Come to think of it, he had said not to worry about him and earlier he had even mentioned that he might be a bit late. She had been a fool to not to have thought about it earlier; he had planned it _all along._

Molly even mentioned that she thought had he came here because she had an early shift at Ministry. Truth couldn't be far away from it. She had taken the day off a week early before the moon so that she could be here for him when the need arise and he _knew about it_. He had even gently berated her for it but _he had known_.

_Why so surprised Tonks?_ A tiny voice whispered into her head. She looked around her flat, at the prepared food on the table, at the made bed and clear clean sofa. _Fancied yourself in the role of a responsible wife?_ The voice mocked.

True, why would he come here, to her? Why would he come to his own wife to tend to his injury when there was a risk that said wife might do more harm than good? Did he trust her so little? Had he expected that since it was her day off, she would be sleeping till late and there would be no one to care of him? Had he expected that she would simply leave him on his own?

She once again felt tears stinging in her eyes but this time for entirely different reason.

She felt so _small_ and so...so _betrayed_. Why had she simply assumed that only after a week of courtship, then a week of marriage he would open up in front of her or would lay his heart in front of her?

And he had gone to Molly? He was such a private man, and he felt comfortable in Molly fussing over him?

She wasn't jealous of Molly; that was a ridiculous notion. Molly was the mother of Order, despite her age. She was to order as was Madam Pomfrey to Hogwarts. Molly treated from Ginny, Ron to her, Remus equally, all her children even if Remus was only a decade younger than her. No, she simply envied, Tonks simply envied the situation, that her husband didn't trusted her enough, thought that his wife was irresponsible enough to not to care.

She felt hurt.

And what hurt her more was that she had made an _effort_ this time; done all cleaning and cooking to avoid any discomfort to Remus. Her flat had never looked to clean or homely in years. She had never attempted to cook with such love and joy for someone... She had fought with her boss for a day off, because Ministry was in chaos, there was work to be done, yet she had fought and had pleaded with all it was worth saying that it was extremely necessary...

And now it all was waste.

And it hurt.

She dragged her feet with a heavy heart to shower, to wash away all the soreness in her muscles due to lying at odd angles all the night and to let the tears flow away with the water...

Because it had been a waste, it all had been a waste.

* * *

Despite being overly tired and under slept, she hadn't went to the bed for some reason. So she was curled up in the semi fetal position, half dozing in and out of sleep, when the door clicked open. She glanced at the clock, it was three pm.

_Finally_. Her husband had decided to grace her with his presence and it was _she_ whom everyone labeled irresponsible. Still, she decided not to show her hurt, despite of everything, he'd had a rough night, she didn't want to act petulantly and further be labeled as immature. But that wasn't the sole reason of her deciding to act as if nothing was different; her sole reason was that she cared deeply for him and didn't wanted to trouble him further.

So with a determined sigh, she moved forward, to see him entering through the door.

He looked paler than usual and he limped with each step, his eyes were bloodshot, apparently sleeping draught had not provided him fully the required rest, his one hand was bandaged and she mused that rest of the damage probably was hidden behind his clothes.

She went to greet him and gingerly hugged him with one arm slinging around his neck and kissed him lightly on cheek.

"How are you?" she asked quietly.

"Fine." he smiled a little at her and answered.

_Sure._

As he seated himself on the sofa, she turned her back to him to fetch some tea, but not before she saw him looking closely at her face, scrutinizing her with an unreadable expression on his face. She realized with a jolt that she had forgot to morph her eyes, forgot to remove the trace of lack of sleep and worry.

"Would you like tea or hot chocolate or simply water?" she called from kitchen hastily to cover up, to distract him from further observation. She cursed herself for letting it slip her mind and cursed herself further for saying _'simply water'_; she hoped that she hadn't sound sarcastic or disappointed because really why would he want something made from her hands? Molly would have fed him variety of food which she couldn't even imagine to make; she realized suddenly, and why would he want to have her plain pancakes?

"Tea would be nice Dora." he replied in a hoarse voice.

Tea it is. She started making it and decided to make some short talk. She was always the chatty one and keeping quiet right now would only make him suspicious.

"How was last night Remus?" this time she asked with genuine concern.

"A bit chilly." he said, apparently with was supposed to be humor, in his voice.

She frowned. At other time she would have laughed but right it only irritated her, he was being evasive.

"No I mean for you." she decided to simply pretend that she didn't understood his joke.

"It was fine. As I said, it was chilly; I changed back shivering more than usual."

She turned back to him with tea in her hand to see him smiling. She felt bad for him going through it all alone. seemingly, he judged her feelings and said reassuringly.

"But I am fine as I said, don't worry."

She handed him his tea and just as she was about to move, he grabbed her wrist.

"Sit with me?" he asked with raised eyebrows and patted on place next to him on sofa.

Despite herself she smiled at his tender request and seated herself in front of him, smoothing away hairs from his forehead while he sipped tea and his free hand still held her wrist, his thumb lightly caressing her skin.

After he finished his tea, she took the empty cup and placed it on the table when suddenly he placed his head on her shoulder. She was surprised a little because it was always the other way round, always she found support in him but nevertheless the weight of his head was comforting on her shoulder. In answer she simply played with his hairs. While sitting like this, she realized with a start that how much she had missed him in such a little time, it had only been a night and she had felt like ages.

She kissed his head."I missed you." she decided to tell him lightly. He in answer simply hugged her waist and placed a light kiss on her jaw.

She felt a bit strange; given he was the quiet one, but he never was _this_ quiet. She could almost sense something going on his head.

"What did you do last night?" he asked while nuzzling her jaw.

"I..." _I missed you, I waited, I worried, I cleaned, I cooked..._ "Uh... Nothing much, slept a bit..." she answered while looking around looking for inspiration about what to tell him. "Completed some pending paper work fr-"

"Liar." one word from his mouth and she was startled. He had propped his chin on her shoulder and was looking, more like scrutinizing again, closely. He was smiling but it wasn't a happy or content smile, rather a sad one just like his eyes.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" she spoke with a little effort. When she tried to pull away from him to look at him closely, he simply tightened his hold on her waist.

He didn't relinquish his hold on her but did pick up his head from its place on her shoulder and looked her in the eye.

"You have been crying." he said somberly while tracing the lines under her eyes with his thumb.

For a moment she gaped like a fish and simply shook her head. "No, no, I just didn't sleep well."

"You have been crying." he repeated with a shake of his head. He was being stubborn and adamant and she huffed in exasperation.

"I-I was thinking about my dad, how he's a muggleborn and with War going the way it is, he might be in grave danger. So, was kind of worried for him, that's it." It wasn't exactly a lie, she did worry about her Dad, the only difference was that she wasn't worrying about him last night.

"You are lying." he stated simply, never once breaking the eye contact.

She rolled her eyes. She would have got irritated had he been not telling the truth. It was as if he was a record player and was repeating same thing again and again.

"It's me isn't it?" she was shocked again at his statement. He cupped her face and made her look him in the eye. "I did something, didn't I? I have hurt you."

The last statement wasn't even a question. It was as if he was almost _sure_, it was written in his eyes, that whatever it was bothering her was _his_ mistake, and it broker her heart. Looking into his immensely sorrowful eyes she felt an unpleasant sinking in her stomach. And she knew what was going inside his head. He probably was thinking that she had been hit with the reality that her husband was a werewolf, had probably realize suddenly that he was a human who turned into a rabid and wild animal on a monthly basis; he was probably expecting a change in her feelings or perspective.

She couldn't let him think that.

"Why did you go to the Burrow?" she blurted out and cringed inwardly.

He frowned in confusion; it was something he probably wasn't expecting.

"I..." he trailed off, seemingly not able to decide what to say.

She looked down. Suddenly the reason she was upset looked stupid, childish even. She was an Auror, an independent woman and she was upset for some small petulant reason.

But then... She wasn't independent. No she was not. She might be financially independent or might be able to take care of herself on her own, but when it came to being happy, to being peaceful she was dependent on him. Every human being was dependent on the other for love, for support.

She just hoped she wasn't making issue of something that wasn't even an issue in the first place. She hoped that when later in time she would look back to this moment, she wouldn't feel that she had acted stupidly. So she decided to be clear, to be precise, to be honest. Because if she didn't opened up to him, she couldn't expect him to return the sentiment. And besides if she didn't cleared it up then, it might become rather a big misunderstanding.

"Why did you go there Remus? Didn't you trust me to take care of you?" she said while trying not to inject accusation in her tone.

He looked more bemused than ever. "I didn't wanted to trouble you-"

"Trouble me? Who am I Remus, some random stranger?" this time when she pulled away from him to stand, he let go.

For a moment they were both quiet and she tried to catch her breath.

"I waited for you to come here, I-I didn't sleep last night... How could I? I instead prepared for your arrival, you know, cleaned the bed, gathered your potions and stuff and even cooked thinking you might be hungry..." she looked at him; he was looking at her with troubled eyes. She gave a self depreciating laugh and blinked back tears. "Can you imagine? Clumsy Tonks cooking and cleaning and then making a fuss of it, fancied myself in the role of a housewife, but I wanted to do it, do for _you_, I wanted to comfort you, wanted to show you that you have me with you all the time." she spoke in combination of muttering and whispering, pressing heels of her palm in her eyes. She hoped it didn't sound as stupid as she felt.

He stood up and she felt him taking her hands away from her eyes. When she looked up, he looked guilty.

"That was not my intention at all Dora." he sighed and rested his forehead against hers. He sounded… tired... And just like that their feelings were reversed and now _she_ felt guilty.

"I am so sorry Remus, you must have had hellish night and I am bothering you with my petty issues. Please, we will talk about it later, you rest-"

He placed tip of his fingers on her lips, effectively cutting off the words and ducked his head to peer into her eyes.

"I could never be tired for you." he guided her with her elbow to the sofa. "Let's sit and talk."

When she was seated next to him, he leant forward and wiped her eyelashes with his palm.

"Firstly, I am so _very_ sorry, you went into so much trouble for me, and I didn't even showed up; I always end up hurting you somehow even though I aim at doing exactly the opposite. Please forgive me." He took her hand in both of his and kissed each finger tip. He looked genuinely sorry and sad. He probably was thinking how undeserving he was for her.

"I... I went there-" he continued "-because-" he sighed "-I suppose I would have to tell you the whole thing." while still clinging to her hand, he explained with difficulty. "I understand that it is very distressing, saddening to see your loved one in pain or injured or hurt. You see, it was after a very long time, that I transformed without wolfsbane or alone. When Si- Sirius came back, to Grimmauld, I transformed with him in the cellar, when headquarters was empty of course, I never would have transformed with kids in the house, company or no company; but I had him, then, after him when I went Underground, I had others with me to transform. Given that change itself was painful than usual, you know because I was unhappy, the change was painful. Change is always a bit difficult if I am stressed than usual. " he looked into her eyes and tried to smile, her heart went out for him when she realized that it must really be taking an effort from his part to reveal the darkest tendencies of his affliction. He caressed her inner wrist with his thumb and continued. "But- but that time when I was in… er… werewolf body and mind, my wolf counterpart was... Say not so violent seeing as it transformed among its fellow beings, so I didn't bit myself. Then yesterday, as I said, it was after a long time that I transformed alone. Change was fine, not comfortable obviously but not painful as before. I guess it was because of you. You-you made me _happy_. But while I was in transformed state, I guess my wolf was a bit frustrated; I sort of harmed myself-" here she winced feebly, looking at her horrified expression he hastily continued. "-not much I promise, had it been much I wouldn't have been able to recover so quickly. So I didn't exactly bit myself but rather… er.. Clawed pathetically."

"You knew this would happen, didn't you?" she asked in a small voice.

"I had a fair idea, but it's not like I had a choice." she bowed her head, disheartened that she couldn't do anything to ease the pain, her lips turned down slightly in a sad frown.

"Hey-" he circled her shoulder and brought her closer to his body and whispered near her cheek. "No need to be upset, I have been doing this since I was five and if I can handle it then, then surely I can handle it now."

She cleared her throat and nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"So, as I said I knew what it is to see your loved one injured or hurt. I wasn't much in pain, I swear but I looked... Let's say not pleasant. I had an idea, seeing me in this state would upset you-"

"If you are even suggesting that I would have been disgusted, then I swear-" she suddenly spoke with furious determination.

"Not disgusted, sweetheart, just sad and upset." he was using now the _sweetheart_ trump card, he knew she liked it when he called her that, and he called her that rarely; he was more like buttering her.

"If you would see me bleeding here and there, won't that bother you? So I went to the Burrow to get a bit patched up. Molly is like Madam Pomfrey to me. I only went there so I could make myself look a bit respectful, so that I don't shock you into oblivion with my disgruntled appearance. But Molly being Molly, slipped me Sleeping draught, and I didn't had much strength to recognize what it was she was giving me, and next thing I knew, I was asleep." he finished.

He finished and she let his words sink in. He did it because he had wanted to protect her from demons of his lycanthropy.

"I don't know Remus if to be relieved or to be more offended? When are you going to stop trying to protect me, at least from yourself? Stop hiding yourself from me."

For a moment he looked troubled. Then he closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them, they were stormy.

"Dora-" he sighed and said her name in a grave and quiet voice and his expression changed into something, which made her realizes he was going to say something he rarely said to anybody. "When I was little, before I started Hogwarts, I-I saw what my transformations did to my mother. It was disheartening to both my parents true, but especially mother-" his eyes glazed over as if remembering something painful and swallowed lump in his throat."-when she would clean my wounds, you know, she was a muggle, so all healing was done by my dad, she kind of felt helpless, but she did whatever she could, she would clean my wounds with a cloth even though it could be done with magic but she wanted to do something, and she would cry all the time, tears would flow from her eyes all the time while my both parents treated me and I would simply watch her; true I was in pain but seeing her like that, it cut deeper into my heart. Later when my father noticed my distress over it, he would often joke that her Mother's tears were like phoenix tears. But Dora, I saw what my pain did to my mother; she slowly wilted away, died in depression at an early age even for a muggle."

Silence engulfed the room and she didn't know what to say. Remus appeared to have gone down the painful memory lane. She tentatively brought her arms around his head, encouraging him to lean into her and he in reply buried his face in her neck.

She earlier understood partially his need to protect his loved ones; he had lost so many that he did everything in his hands to make them stay. But now she sort of understood fully. He didn't talked much of his parents, when prodded he would often talk about his father, sometimes about his childhood memories, but rarely about his mother. She now understood why. Because it was too painful, because somewhere deep down he felt responsible for her mother's early death. Greyback was to be solely blamed, and Remus was practical enough to know that. But when it came to your loved and dear ones, practicality often was the farthest thing.

She kissed his head, stroked his hairs, for a moment she let him relax and composed herself.

"Remus?"

"Mmm."

"I am sorry."

He looked up from his place on her shoulder. "I didn't told you all this so that you would feel sorry Dora. I just wanted to explain why I did what I did."

"Yes but that doesn't means that from next time you won't come to me. I am your better half Remus, for _better or worse_. What else can I say to make you believe?"

He nodded. "You trust me, don't you when I say that it was not my intention to hurt you?"

She rolled her eyes."Of course, why would you hurt me intentional-"

"And do you trust me when I say that the reason I didn't came straight here was _not_ that I thought you were incapable?" he looked straight into her eyes and she felt that he was searching her soul. She couldn't bear his gaze, she looked away.

He cupped her chin and made her look him. "You know that I would rather expose myself to you than to Molly Weasley, don't you? I am so so so _very_ sorry, I really am Dora. I couldn't say in words but for me, you-you are _perfect_, it's-it's like I am so much… um... _Smitten_ with you. I couldn't find a flaw in you if I wanted to.

I never imagined that I would _ever_ have a wife, but whenever I did imagine on rare occasions, you are just like that."

She gave a disbelieving snort."You imagined your wife having rainbow colored hairs, tripping on air, often breaking things including other people bones, recurrently so cheerful that it becomes irritating?"

He glared at her amusedly and then said in a serious tone. "I imagined someone who loved me unconditionally, had enough courage to look past my condition, who was loyal, who stuck with me in bad times, who had a smile that was enough to cheer me up, who was beautiful, simply gorgeous and sexy..." he trailed off suggestively while caressing her neck with his thumb. She shivered pleasantly.

This was what she had meant by that he could be really romantic when the need be. What made it even more alluring was that he didn't said all these stuff just for the sake of saying but she could often see it in his eyes that he was being honest. Nevertheless, she blushed delicately at his compliment.

"Thank you." she said softly.

"Now what it was that you made for me? I hope that you didn't throw it in the bin in fit of rage, because I am _really_ hungry right now."

"You mean to say you haven't had anything?" she looked incredulously at him.

"Of course I didn't, how could I?" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Remus, _no one_ goes to The Burrow and comes back with an empty stomach, _no one_. Not even Dumbledore was ever able to refuse Molly!" she said and for a moment they both remembered their late leader.

"But I did. Had she not so _generously_ given me sleeping potion I would have been here ages ago, I immediately apparated as soon as I woke up and looked at time, didn't even gave her a moment to gather what had happened. I really panicked after seeing the time."

"Well she thought that I was on an early ministry shift."

"That might explain it." he nodded then suddenly stopped and looked at her with puzzlement. "How did you know that? And by the way what did you do when I didn't arrive?"

She suddenly remembered the thoughts that had evaded her mind when she had realized that Remus was late, the panic she was in, the sheer feeling of helplessness...

She paled even thinking about it now.

"What is it?" he whispered, sensing the change in her mood.

"I-I thought something had happened, I was sort of frantic; I searched in nearby area for you..."she trailed off.

He looked at her with a distraught expression and pained eyes. He sighed miserably and covered his eyes with his palm and shook his head.

"Merlin Dora I had no idea how much... I am _sorry_... I feel so contrite, please I am sorry-" he looked and said with such guilt ridden tone that it cut her deeper into heart than anything had until now.

"Hush up Remus. It wasn't your fault, whatever happened, has happened, don't worry about it now." she smiled reassuringly at him while cupping his face in both of her palms.

"You are too forgiving." he stated simply without any elaboration. And in that moment she knew that he wasn't talking about just _this_ time. He was talking about the various other times, various other incidents that happened after she had confessed her love for him on that fateful night on an order watch and before Dumbledore's death, the various times when he had refused her love, had ignored her or had avoided her, when he often had been rude and blunt and for each time she had forgiven him. After that night in hospital wing he had honestly told her that how sorry he was for the way he had behaved and she had forgiven him.

"Because I am not the only one who's hurting." she said quietly because she knew that even though he had been doing those things, it had killed him do so, it had hurt him equally, sometimes more than her. "I'll just get something to eat."

With that she got up but as soon as she had turned her back to him she felt his hand encircling her wrist again. When she looked back at him questioningly, he got up and leant forward to place a tender kiss on her lips that stopped her heart for a moment.

"Thank you, Dora. I love you." he hugged her to his chest and buried his face in her then maroon color hairs while she submerged her face in his neck. And she knew he wasn't just saying thank you for food. While she mumbled a muffled _'And I love you'_ , he kissed her hair and pulled her tighter against him. She felt so secure in his warmth, in his arms that there was nowhere else she'd rather be. She once again thanked her stars that such a lovely and caring man loved her enough.

Later they sat huddled together on the sofa, with a single plate, sharing pancake made by her. His arm was around her and her head was settled in the niche of his shoulder. There were so many little almost insignificant things in the world that provided more happiness than can be imagined and eating in the same plate with your husband was one of them. She hoped though, that she wasn't turning into a typical romantic heroine.

"I have always loved your pancakes more than anything Molly can _ever_ make." he mumbled into her hair.

She rolled her eyes."There's a limit until when I can digest your compliments Remus, and it's crossing it."

"No really!" he asserted. "I don't know but there's just _something_ about it that makes it my favorite; maybe it is that _my_ _wife_ makes them with _so much love._" He whispered tenderly into her skin and she smiled widely into his jumper.

They chatted amiably until all the pancakes were finished and she felt lighter than she had felt in past twenty four hours.

"You said you had potions and stuff for me?" he inquired later.

"Yeah. Why?" she looked at him with furrowed brows.

He placed his palm on his inner thigh. "I got this scratch here, and it's troubling me a bit, could you...?"

"Didn't Molly...?"

He rolled his eyes."Now _really_, I wouldn't ask Molly to look here!"

She thought for a moment; it wasn't as if he couldn't heal it himself, but she gathered his intentions behind this. He wanted to open up in front of her, wanted to share with her, especially wanted to reduce his guilt knowing that _unknowingly_ he had hurt her.

She smiled. It was a start.

"Go to bedroom, and take your pants off; I will see you in a moment." she said absentmindedly, without thinking.

"Now that' something _every_ man wants to hear." he waggled his eyebrows and said wickedly with a smirk.

She slapped him lightly on his shoulder but not without a smile."I meant go and I will get the potions."

"Yes Madam." he bowed in a typical gentleman style and kissed her cheek before leaving.

She sat there for a moment, smiling to herself. She had wanted him to open up to her, had wanted him to stop trying to protect her from every little thing especially from his lycanthropy; somehow circumstances had turned to give her what she had wanted. She knew though that his protective urges will fade away slowly, but as she said, it was a start.

They were baby steps that she was willing to take to get even closer to the man she loved.

Finish~~

* * *

_A/N: I looked up for precision, the moonset time in various places; one of the various times I got was that moon rises at 04:33 and sets at 15:52 and then I was like to hell with precision, let's just be blissfully ignorant. So please ignore it._

_Also, I got inspiration for this fic in dead of the night and then I was so excited that I started writing without thinking. And then suddenly when I wrote more than half of the fic, I got this feeling that it was really useless. I wouldn't have posted if I hadn't already written most of it._

_So I leave it up to you now, if you like it please review, if you are too lazy for that then do click on favorite, or both, but only if you like it of course. Thanks for reading. :)_


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